I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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