Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
