My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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