I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
