I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
