if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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