My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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