i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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