Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When are your genitals available?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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