i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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