Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
