Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
