I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
