I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
