If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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