i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
