Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
