If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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