hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
