Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
