his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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