so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shame - the story of my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
