Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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