talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
