Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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