as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
