maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
