I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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