youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
