He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
