i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
