He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
