ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
