Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
