yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
