And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
