I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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