Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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