but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
