I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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