whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
