Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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