Barsexuality is the new black.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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