2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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