Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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