we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
