hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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