oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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