I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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