Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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