There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
