So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
