My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
