i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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