6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
