he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
