Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
