just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
