dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
