Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
