remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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