I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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