I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
