We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
