fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
