I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
