last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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