Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
