Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
