is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
