There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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