you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
