She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
