i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
