my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
