if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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