Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
