i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
