watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
