It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
