I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
