I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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